


Forget What You Are

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Adapting [2]
Category: Hollywood Undead (Band), Hollywood Undead RPF
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Male Friendship, Parenting Stress, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His voice has finally started to get used to the work and he's spent so much time being good and only drinking tea that he goes a little overboard once he's out. It's fun, and it's only a problem when he gets back to the tour bus and notices Johnny is on Danny's bunk with his earphones in while scribbling in his journal. So he does the only rational thing his drunken, needy brain can think of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget What You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Disease by Hollywood Undead. This fic is a little shorter than I intended but oh well! Three more planned. Fucked with the timeline for my own purposes.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

Two interviews that I drew on for some of this content: [one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v1-ViAitFo) (around 28:10) and [two](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvAkIzPINDc&spfreload=10) (specifically 16:20)

 

Danny finds his stride towards the end of his first tour with the band. He hangs around Jorel the most, but as they near the end of the tour, it's Johnny that starts hanging on the bus more. He and Danny mostly ignore each other. It's not because they don't like each other, it's more that Johnny is angry and bitter and very obviously does _not_ want to talk about it. Danny _knows_ it's because of Aron, but he has no idea what to do about it. He and Jorel are closer than ever and what they have works. He's pretty sure if he tries to cuddle Johnny and ask him to talk about his feelings, he'll get punched in the face.

So they fall into a different routine. Johnny will climb into his bunk above Danny's and ignore him with his headsets in, and Danny will lay in his own bunk and resist the urge to try and strike up conversation. It's uncomfortable and weird and it's a relief when someone else returns to the bus. Jorel has gotten happier, and Danny likes to think he's had some hand in that, but he still ends up sharing Danny's bunk with him more often than not. Danny's glad for it because being stonewalled again and again by Johnny sort of...hurts. But there's no _real_ , damaging tension that influences how they perform, so he doesn't try and change it.

Danny thinks Johnny likes knowing someone is there, he just doesn't want them talking.

And so what if it hurts? He can't force a friendship; he knows that. The weird silent bonding works for them and Danny's good at not rocking the boat, which he imagines everyone prefers. Aron shook everything up so much, Danny doesn't mind being the steady rock to get them through the tour. But Danny's only human. He fucks up.

He goes out with Charlie and Dylan and Matt and it's the drunkest he's gotten in quite some time. His voice has finally started to get used to the work and he's spent so much time being _good_ and only drinking tea that he goes a little overboard once he's out. It's fun, and it's only a problem when he gets back to the tour bus and notices Johnny is on _Danny's_ bunk with his earphones in while scribbling in his journal. So he does the only rational thing his drunken, needy brain can think of. He flops onto the bunk beside him and rips the journal out of Johnny's hands.

"Whatcha writing?"

"How drunk are you right now?" Johnny snatches the journal back. "Also, get the hell off of me."

Danny lets the journal go without a fight but snuggles closer in response to Johnny's demands. "I just want you to like me and you don't and I like you."

Johnny shoves him away and scrambles off the bunk before Danny can launch into his real monologue about how much he _really_ likes Johnny and just _needs_ him to know.

"Go to sleep," Johnny says as he pulls himself up into his own bunk.

Danny glowers at the bunk above him, but he falls asleep before he can say anything.

 

-.-

 

Things...change. Well, Danny thinks they do, but he's not sure at first because it happens so slowly. It starts with Johnny sitting on Danny's bunk instead of his own, but they keep their distance from each other, content to dick around on their respective laptops. It progresses to occasionally showing one another a funny video or tweet. That turns into sitting side by side and watching shit television on Netflix.

It's when they're watching some video of a temperamental cat that it dawns on Danny.

"You're that cat," Danny says, reaching out to pause the video.

Johnny frowns and glances down at him. "What?"

"You! You're all: don't try and be affectionate with me, I'm too busy being angry, but really you just want some company," Danny says, shrugging a little to emphasize the arm Johnny has looped over his shoulder. Johnny starts to pull back but Danny is quick to grab his wrist to keep him in place. "I don't mind. It's nice knowing you want me around."

"Right..." Johnny's arm wraps a little tighter around him and then he hits the play button.

Danny counts it as a victory.

 

-.-

 

Cuddling Jorel is not like cuddling Johnny. Cuddling Jorel is a full body experience, all tangled limbs and cramped necks from awkward angles as they try to be as close as physically possible. Johnny is well...a giant cat that chooses the degrees of affection he's willing to engage in. He tends to guide Danny right where he wants him. It's different. Danny's not used to being the small one, the one with his face tucked into someone else's neck, but he definitely likes it. It's a good way to wind down after an energy-sapping show.

The only real thing he's missing is what he has with Jorel; the deep conversations and stable emotional connection. He's not sure where to even begin with Johnny. He doesn't want to muscle his way into Johnny's life when they're all trying to recover from the loss of Aron's friendship. It would feel wrong, like he was taking advantage of their pain.   

In the end, his waiting pays off. It's Johnny that makes the first move when Danny is drifting to sleep, still hours before the rest of the boys will be back from their after party. Johnny leans over his bunk and the shadow he casts prompts Danny to open his eyes all the way.

"I've uh...got a question. And you can't tell anyone I asked you," Johnny says.

Danny stretches his arms over his head and stifles a yawn. "Okay, sure. What's up?"

Johnny flops back over onto his own bunk. "I was just wondering how you uh...go about being a...father."

"Wait, are you asking because-"

"Oh my God, Danny, just answer the question," Johnny says.

"That's not really a question I can just _answer_. I don't even know if you mean like, financially or emotionally or logistically or-"

"Okay, got it. Point taken," Johnny says.

Silence stretches between them and Danny tries to stare his way through the bunk so he can maybe see what the fuck is going on in Johnny's head.

"I guess I mean...the world is a pretty fucked up place. Why...why would you bring a kid into it knowing what she was going to face? And that you'd have to settle down and be a real parent or end up just being you know, another absent father?" Johnny asks, and Danny has never heard his voice sound quite so small.

"Well, the world is shitty but me and Theresa, we're doing everything we can for Scarlett. It's the only thing we can do, really."

"But you're not there," Johnny interrupts. "You're here with us. You've signed onto a band that's never going to make you anything but like, solidly middle class. Probably less."

Danny wrinkles his nose. "Well first off, I _am_ there for my daughter. I talk to her on the phone even if she's not really old enough to understand me. I'm providing for her by being on tour. When I'm home, I'll be there for her in different ways."

"But how?"

"Don't know. Still figuring it out to be honest. There really isn't just one answer to anything you're asking."

Johnny shifts on the bunk. "Doesn't she deserve you being in...I don't know, a more stable job?"

Danny snorts. "Honestly, can you see any of us in a 9-to-5 job for the long term?"    

"I almost was."

"But you aren't. You don't need to be a stereotypical American dad to be a good parent. I mean, Theresa and I are figuring it out..." Danny bites his lip. "Look, are you having a kid? For sure?"

Johnny sighs, a heavy sound. "Yeah. It's pretty much unavoidable now."

"You'll be fine. Really."

"You don't know that. I'm not meant for...fatherhood. Or being like every other person in the world. I _know_ I'm meant for more, even if that sounds super egotistical or whatever," Johnny says.

"Having a kid doesn't magically make you like everyone else in the world, dude. It's not going to hold you back. Don't think like that or you'll never look at your kid with anything but resentment," Danny says.

Johnny lets out a bitter laugh. "That's the only way my father ever looked at me."

"So don't be like your father."

"I don't know if I'll be able to help it," Johnny says. The bunk creaks as Johnny shifts and then hops down. He refuses to look at Danny. "I guess I'm worried shitty fatherhood is genetic."

Danny sits up and gets to his feet, hand hovering awkwardly in the air before he finally reaches out and squeezes Johnny's shoulder. "You're going to be a great dad. Really. I mean it."

Johnny's shoulders tremble a little and he swipes at his eyes. "God, I hope you're right."

"C'mere man, seriously." Danny urges him to turn around and while it's a little weird to wrap his arms around Johnny when he's so much bigger, they make it work.

Danny holds him for a long time.


End file.
